This pestilence undeniably has brought so much malaise to all of us. Things are never the same and perhaps it would take years to fully adopt such new normalcy. They say that culling is God’s natural order, but is it? Or are there some conspiracy theories behind this daunting Covid-19. Will leave that to you so you too can rack your brain.
One zillion bull-headed throngs. Half trillion comatose bleats. Ten million compassionate sobs. Seven million overwhelming cases. Four hundred thousand horrifying deaths. Tons of obscured anomalies and ad hoceries.
Yes, the numbers are jolting but let us not forget that there is still that one thing. Ask yourself what had happened after the Black Death. We all know the answers since history books and some online platforms have made it get-at-able.
So for the :
Bull-headed throngs. Tell me, why are you being so stubborn? Why is it that a simple stay- at-home-pleas cannot be easily shadowed? Which part of the language you do not understand? Are you bored or you just literally want to test the patience of our bureaucrats, front-liners and all those chaps who are risking their lives? Why would you go out with groupies for a gala? Why do you have to hustle in the crowd for some seasonal eatables? Haven’t you heard of social distancing? Perhaps, you haven’t just realised yet the impact of the pandemic until it’ll hit you and your loved ones hard.
Comatose bleats. Except for those well-grounded expressions, some bleats are just really kaput and imbecile. Hence, the word comatose. I am just dumbstruck by the many people acting like virtuosos in many fields. Tell me, why do you want to oust Officials in this trying times? Why are you harassing our front-liners? Why are you discriminating our folks? Why are you making dummy social media accounts just to spread fake news? Do we really need this attitude now or we need more synergy and ministrations?
Compassionate sobs. Overwhelming cases. Horrifying deaths. Sending my love and prayers from the corners of my room to wherever you are right now – heaven or earth. My heart bleeds every time I hear additional casualties or a new individual contracting the virus. I probably couldn’t plumb the depths of your pain but may your affliction serves as our groundwork to behave.
Tons of obscured anomalies and ad hoceries. Let’s face it. Several people during the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) took advantage of the amelioration program of the Philippine Government. The kind of listing-their-relatives-cats-and-dogs-like. Political rivalries were also noticed as closing borders of one city from other political groups for commodity distributions. In effect, it took away people’s chance of receiving more goods as an additional aid for their daily needs. Some groups who are wholeheartedly helping are being ostracised and those doing it for publicity are greatly revered. Treachery, exploit, inequality, among others, were also observed. Salute to our honest public servants and volunteers, and to our brave front-liners. In both conscience and kernel, you know you’re worth.
We are in a situation to which unity, awareness, empathy and nobility must be exercised and utilised. Kindly reserve all your enigmatic urges, pointless protests, unsolicited opinions and non-sensical biases for later. It will never bring any good. In PH alone, we already have 20 thousand ++ cases, yet as denizens, some of us are still lackadaisical with our very own safety and protection.
What happened after the Black Death? What is that one thing? To put it simply, it is…
THE RENAISSANCE. THE REBIRTH.
A reverberating reminder that this will pass if we all care and provide support to each other. This will pass if we all act as humans realising that the virus cannot be seen by our human eyes. This will pass if we keep a proactive and scrupulous attitude. I don’t know when but it will end, and we’ll all be sieved individuals after this. May we all remain cautious and conscious as we journey to the end of this fray.
Great things will happen. People who survived will live much longer, smarter and healthier. Economy will bloom. Global network will revolutionise. Employment rate will increase. Crime rate will plummet. Religions will thrive. The Black Death was even worse, yet the world was able to resuscitate. I am looking forward to the world’s rebirth after this. Hope you look forward with me too, lovies.
A reminder to all chaps who WFH or with colleagues who WFH at the puff of this unprecedented COVID situation:
(1) Keep your values intact, quid pro quo. I am blessed to work in a company to which employees come first. My colleagues are not laid off, our benefits are not severed and our bimonthly salaries always come on time; and so, let’s reciprocate that altruism and do our part. Any company who adopted this Work From Home (WFH) arrangement (I believe), has only 3 unsung sine qua nons for its people: Honesty, Productivity and Commitment. Work as schedule dictates you. Are you being checked if you are before your PC or Laptop screen on time and is hollered every 10 minutes just to confirm if you are really working? I bet you don’t experience this kind of mental strain and physical torture but my brother-in-law, who is an Engineer/IT Specialist working remotely, does.
(2) Have a straitlaced schedule and exercise respect. Be sensitive to your colleagues’ personal ticks. When this WFH arrangement started about 2 months back, I made a schedule on how my typical M-S would look like. I strictly work from 8:30 am to 6:00 pm M-F ONLY. S-S are devoted to my rest and recreational toots (online Francais & Creative Writing classes and some random light workout). I don’t take meetings beyond 6PM, holidays or weekends. I don’t answer any calls and SMS outside the prescribed work schedule unless (1) a message is coming from the “royal family” or (2) a matter of life-and-death situation that has to be addressed immediately ie at the wee hour today, I received a call from one of our merchants with concerns on its store’s fire suppression and gas leaks.
WFH doesn’t mean you have to be overdemanding to yourself or with your colleagues. If you have truly rendered your effort, time and productivity during that required period, then your decency should be respected at all times BY ANYONE. Courtesy breeds respect. Respect breeds trust. You owe that courtesy to ANYONE you’re working and dealing with, even if the rank is lower than yours.
Another thing is when setting up e-meetings. (1) if you are the host, kindly please alarm the bell for notices first. Don’t just call people and insist to meet them in 10-15 minutes. You can peer in asking this question first: “Hey are you available to meet?” If the answer is yes, then your whims are granted. If it’s a no, then please understand that the person might be caught up with something or have other important matters to deal with. (2) If you are the host and you suddenly have other important meetings on the same schedule, please alarm the bell of notices (again) beforehand that the meeting has been postponed or cancelled. We all have a pre-planned calendar and that dissipated time waiting for you in Zoom, Viber, Hangout or whatever platform it was(is) could have been used for other things needing overriding attention. Again, at least be sensitive. Be courteous. (3) If you are one of the attendees and suddenly you cannot make it, then, kindly send a representative to take notes on your behalf. Brief your sub so he/she may not be flabbergasted during the e-meeting.
(3) Speak to your boss for any hint of nonplus feelings. Try to open supple discussions with your boss. Early April 2020, I told my boss about my disquietude. Although, I was religiously working from 8:30 am to 6:00 pm plait with deliberate ironclad commitment, I didn’t feel gratified at all. I work in Leasing and Retail Operations and as a Department Head, I tried exploring all department initiatives even those beyond-the-box-edges just to keep my calendar in rainbows. I filled it with meetings and the pre-meeting invites from other departments. I also reviewed plans and drawings relentlessly, set schedule with all my merchants and that quintessential checking and sending out of emails. Looked a lot at the hindsight but I missed the action at the forthsight – the beautiful noise and the graceful chaos (OPERATIONS) and the scouting of potential merchants (LEASING IN ACTION). No matter how much I deputised each day (that time), I still ended up having a lot of trance and reverie click-clacks.
As we spoke over the phone, my boss was somewhat painting on my panache how her typical day looked like and how much work she pinned each day during the quarantine. It was very inspiring and I God-willingly told her if she could accord the Department some additional works to at least assuage my discontent of feeling half-full-days. Uh-uh! It is never about self-flagellation nor self-deprecation but more of self-actualisation.
***B: Are you sure of what you are asking and are you sure that you wouldn’t be stressed out with let’s say, irate buyers?
***Me: (Cajoling in my language). I’m good at that. Resilient as ever.
***B: Alright, this Department needs help, I will tell the head.
Wherefore, my Department was given the additional tasks and up to this time, we’re riveted performing at nonpareil.This is never a show-off, nor seeking pardon for all the department/interdeparment decision mishaps I’ve made in the past, nor a promotion agenda (I think being an executive at 28 is already a milestone for now). I just really wanted to feel useful and satisfied in all aspect. The company has been doing a lot for its people, some of my colleagues (front-liners) still reports to work despite the risks, some lends a hand for commodity distribution, while I am just at home doing less. I wanted to help in my own little way. I am also jovial that my team members have the same frame of mind and enthusiasm as I do. They were both receptive to the idea and both thought it’s an opportunity to show that #LeasingCares. To Ivan and Irish, you have proven the posit of the life-advice guru Kevin Kelly, that, being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points. Apart from helping, I am sure that you also coup d’œil company’s values and precedence.
BTW, salute to my CSR friends across the globe.“)
(4) Take leaves for personal errands or ask for letup consent from your boss. I’d really feel guilty if my work-time is being eaten up by my personal errands. Treachery is the more appropriate word, I guess. We are being paid for our service and effort, we should yield what’s expected and rightful then. The company deserves that! Kindly try to do your thing – groceries, going to banks, visiting relatives, taking online classes, working out, etc – outside the prescribed work schedule. Better yet, ask a consent that you’ll be in a recess for a while for so-and-so reasons.
(5) Limit your social media prominence while working. Leisurely, start to detach yourself from cosmopolitan pleasures and your life will be even more meaningful. Multitasking is okay but I don’t think this is the most sensible paradigm. I keep my messenger open since some salient communications and updates are sent through but I only browse my FB scarcely, weekends the most. I even rarely pin a thumb (I am in IG every day but check by night time or early morning though).
(6) Be thankful. Working from home is indeed challenging due to myriad of reasons- intermittent internet connections, sporadic phone signals, the howls of your domestic breeds, the spur-of-the-moment teases-and-piques of your kin and next of kin, the constant battle against distraction and the relentless note-to-self to keep sane. But hey, you are reading this, so it means you are staying safe in the warmth of your crib. That, my friend, matters most in this unprecedented situation.
(7) Yay, you’ve reached the end and here’s the most important note of all: Please, at all times, regularly and timely pump cerebral spinal fluid through your brain cells and remove all metabolic by-products of the day’s thoughts. SLEEP! That, my friend, is a borrowed line from my favourite sitcom BIG BANG THEORY and was reverberated by Sheldon Cooper. I normally wield this virgule among my friends to sound cool. You can borrow this too to remind yourself that you need sleep to recharge. And by recharging, means, enough hours of sleep should be wangled according to the number of hours recommended for your age.
We all have different strategies and level of comfort on how to do things. We also have recalcitrant limitations. This is not a judgment or a juxtaposition on how you manoeuvre or re-manoeuvre both your smart and stretch goals daily vs mine. If you found this helpful – THANK YOU and CONGRATULATIONS because you are about to embark the journey to self- actualisation . If it offended you – well, perhaps it kicked you through and through. BUT, at the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself and to that still-small-voice:
Have I been productive?
Have I been lackadaisical?
Have I been honest?
Have I been helpful?
Have I done enough?
Have I shown the right blend of courtesy and respect towards others?
Have I sent the right tone of email?
Have I exercised my initiative?
Have I been both efficient and effective?
Have I been too torpid to my colleagues just because someone has also been pressuring me?
Be the judge and purr your answers to that still-small-voice. Au revoir!
As promised, here’s everything that had happened recapitulated in an hour of writing.
The Great Depression (April and May 2019). I thought that the ICU journey was the last bridge I needed to cross but Alopecia cuffed me off in a snap. One day, I woke up and my hair just started falling. It was extremely fervid that I’d leave a stupendous amount of hair traces wherever I sprawled to. It was too hard to descry and slowly my depression started to eat me up hovering my psyche.
Hence, I decided to have my head shaved to avoid seeing those horrifying trails. Thankfully, my hair manages itself to grow thick and fast. Shawl and eyebrow gel do added colours to my everyday. Yes, that time I could still afford to drive myself to hospice for treatment, but has to remain working from home for a complete recovery.
Inchmeal, I was recovering with the help of antidepressant pills prescribed by my doctor. I was then able to bounce back with optimistic disposition.
I was ready to be physically back to work until…
The Break-In and the Break up (May 2019). Those guys probably thought I was a bloke with my shaved head and so they started sketching my back-and-gut with a carver knife and when I stumbled, I fell on the shattered window pane glass which caused my left ear to bleed. THIEVES! It was hunting and the memories of the incident made me completely lose control of my sanity for some time. I flustered when I hear loud voices. I’d feel being terrorised when someone tries to approach or starts a conversation with me. I’d start running when I see men with big built.
I had to take a break from work, both virtual and physical, since the hardcore negotiator, resilient and feisty “Ian” was already in absentia. I am acclimated to pain so the lacerations were close to nothing. The pain only felt like needle pinprick and I had a successful surgery stitches…
Life in Prayer and Meditation (June 2019). With the help of daily communion and weekly spiritual direction, I was able to steadily get back on track. I also chose to stop taking all my maintenance pills [to include getting my steroid injections weekly] for I felt like those placebos mangled my brain processes. I instead focused on prayer, adoration, meditation, eating a balanced diet and exercise…. and I never felt so alive until the moment I espoused to live a life – not dependent on anyone (people) or anything (medicines) but just Him.
Back to work (Q3 -Q4 2019). Yaas, I surmounted all those woes and setbacks and it’s a new, resurrected Ian who is now back to work. I was both elated and enlivened to close great deals and to run my department with a 20-20 vision and clearer goals. I was also looking forward to a new team member added to the family since my team, apart from Retail Operations, now handles Retail Marketing .
I was and am unstoppable – inking deals left and right; successful retail marketing activities week by week; promising sideline jobs every now and then – as modeling, hosting, incognito content writing and even creating a business plan for start-up companies.
Travel and adventure (Q4 to the nth). I’ve never really gotten a chance to travel much because Lupus always limits to tick off my bucket list. With God’s grace, I am now on complete remission. This means that my Lupus is inactive and I am on my greatest shape. I candidly love sunshine, beaches, and nature and thankfully I can fancy these now.
Here’s a little glimpse of my travel to Siargao last October 2019 – a precelebration birthday trip.
My journey this year cannot be narrated in an hour of writing but I just have this overflowing sentiments to share these snippets with you. Below are my humble percipience that you may find helpful somehow.
DON’T GIVE UP. For a 28-year-old lass, I know that I have endured so much but I am never giving up. The fight continues for God has a purpose on our every pain, struggle and misfortune. Remember He also has a gift for our tenacity, assiduity and faithfulness.
WE ALL GO THROUGH DEPRESSION AND IT’S OK. We are all allowed to feel messed up inside and out. It doesn’t mean we are crazy or defective. It just means we are human. Salient is we try to control ourselves, our emotions and our judgement. If things get out of hand, seek medical attention. It is ok to get help just what I did.
WE ARE ALL A WARRIOR. My battle has always been surmounting against this very rare connective tissue disease. When I renounced taking medications, it was both a risk and a choice and you don’t have to mimic that action. I had a staunch belief that after all these years pills were not helping me out anymore, hence, I have to change my master plan. Being a warrior means you take responsibility of your actions and you are ready for any untoward possibilities. What really helped me a lot is purely a healthy lifestyle. I eat great food. I exercise regularly. I pray and meditate. I work with prudence. Then repeat.
YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO DEPEND ON. Be thankful when best people leave your door because it will stimulate you to be a better person as well. When Mo left me, I thought that I would never see sunshine again but here am I enjoying sunshine and rainbow every day. There’s so much to be grateful after all. Mo, thank you!
WE ONLY LIVE ONCE. LET’S DO IT RIGHT. Our time here on earth is very limited. Embrace every moment. Love every fragment. Travel and live your adventure. Do the things you’ve been wanting to do. Never let other people’s opinion cloud out your inner voice. Stay healthy and love yourself please.
Editor’s note: This is supposed to be published upon my arrival from BKK , March 2019, but unfortunate series of incidents have happened and this article was kept private. Sharing it now and I will be sharing very soon the reason of my hiatus. Thanks lovies! – ian
To journey to places somehow inspires me to stay healthy. That feeling of excitement that you have something to look forward to just gives me oozing energy in being consistent and religious with medication and treatment. After my recent trip from ICU, I promised myself a zero trip to hospice this year. It’s quiet a challenge to live up to the pledge but nevertheless I had to take courage in making such bold steps.
I filled my 2019 calendar with all my travel wish lists and recently I’ve successfully accomplished list No. 1. I was thrilled knowing that I haven’t traveled abroad since 2018 due to Lupus flares. Blissfully, I’ve been remarkably feeling phenomenal the past weeks and just like a balloon pop, I started the first of the series of my travel adventures in Bangkok, Thailand.
I was traveling from Cebu with a group but when we reached Bangkok I decided to make a gala on my own. I totally drifted away from the planned tour as I wanted to feel more like a local than a tourist. I was also gauging my body’s pace and limit so doing my own itinerary resulted best for me. Like Philippines, Thailand is a tropical country so I had to be extra ready. Here’s how I did it during the 5-day trip:
Got a hotel in Pratunam. Pratunam means “water gate” and this place is widely known as a prominent shopping district. It’s very strategic due to the availability of shopping centers, department stores and food stalls around the area. It’s also one of the most important transportation routes in Bangkok. It is easy to go to anywhere. Amost all buses pass by the area.
I arrived early dawn on Wednesday. It was a long trip so I had to rest the entire day. I only went out by night when I felt like my body has fueled up some energy.
Thursday, I started gallivanting the city through hopping on one bus to another. I had my codigo which I didn’t follow after all. I was enjoying going around, hopping on wrong buses, walking to and fro and speaking to Thais for direction.
Friday was a whirlwind checking all shopping centers and going around the city in the hope to discover its treasures troves. Some has shocked me especially the “Ping Pong Show”. Some has mesmerised me in discovering how much they value their culture and identity.
Saturday was another gala day. A Thailand trip is never complete without seeing the floating market so I had to do it. Almost a 2-hour journey going to Talin Chang Floating Market just to find out that it’s only open on a weekend. What can I do but just live the moment with silver lining!
Sunday was dedicated to buying presents for loved ones. I only bought few, enough for all of them to taste the flavours of Thailand.
Travel extra light since you’ll be buying items once you get there. Yes, you can’t say no to the wholesale prices of shopping items. You wouldn’t want an excess baggage, right?
You don’t need a lavish budget, 5000 baht as pocket money for a 5-day trip is more than enough. I was able to work my way out with these numbers and I was on a cloud nine.
You don’t need to buy local sim with high speed internet, 300 baht is just too much. Save that for something else. The hotel always has a wifi service 24H. Just consider it as a social media holiday should you not be able to share your My Day or ATM Stories. Just wait until you get back to the hotel then you can share your beautiful clicks with friends.
Before you go out, ask for the calling card of the hotel indicating its complete address. In case you get lost or wanting to go home, you could always show this card to anyone and you will be directed on where to go or what to do.
Tok tok and taxis are overrated. Some do not even turn their meter on. I had to ask several taxis before I can get a metered one. Best is to ride a bus. Safe, within the budget and comfortable.
When speaking in English, say it slowly so they could understand. English is not really common in Thailand. Be patient especially when haggling. You can also act what you are trying to say for better understanding.
I don’t recommend going to Ping Pong Show if you’re a conservative chap.
Their food is fantastic.
Their mangoes taste like Papaya. Zero acerbity at all. Must try.
Coconut in shell tastes like gooseberry. Its true.
Juices are really fresh. You must try all sorts. You won’t regret it.
They’re fond of putting sesame seeds on a fried banana and sweetened dried fish.
This recent headline news about a 16-year old
girl from Cebu, Philippines who was raped, murdered, and skinned by 3 ruthless
men brought me back to those moments when I had so many whys for God and the
universe. It breaks my heart to hear such news and I cannot help but ask again,
why can’t those rapists or murderers be the one to contract cancer, lupus or other
terminal diseases instead? That beautiful innocent girl deserved to live and
fulfill all her dreams.
Like most of the warriors out there, I’ve also been to a stage of consequential denial. Growing up, I was thought by my dad to always see things with silver lining, however accepting a chronic disease can feel like the opposite, especially at the inception. Why me, when all I wanted is to do good to the society? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Why can’t it be the ill-willed, the menace or the suicidal chaps? Why can’t it be the bad guys? Questions were endless appearing from every nooks and crannies. I asked these questions to family and friends and they would always tell me that I am special… but I just didn’t see it that way. To my mind I was cursed or punished for something I must have done in the past.
I thought it was unfair. Are we just randomly chosen? Is it by choice, status or circumstance? I desperately wanted answers but my questions lead me to nowhere. Disappointed, I became sullen and morose at some point. Incandescent, [once] I decided to just let my body withers without succoring to any medications. That lasted for months consorted with these resentful yeses. Yes, I used to loathe healthy people and felt envious on their successes. Yes, I used to wish criminals assume my disease. Yes, I used to bleat against the Father and the universe on why perpetual suffering is inflicted to selected few. I cannot help it then. Perhaps, it’s human nature to feel deep sympathy for oneself.
Until I got tired asking questions. I gave myself a breathing space from the hustle and bustle of self-pressure and anxiety. It’s like giving myself a consent to stop fighting against reality and just deal with it head on. It was never easy, but I knew it was necessary to move forward. Surprisingly as I went along, I have slowly learned to accept my fate with a light heart. At times, some rhetorical questions would bud out randomly but I no longer compel any answer… just because I already unboxed the gift that comes with my Lupus – a chronic disease with a purpose…
give hope and courage to those who are troubled
be more compassionate and sensitive to those who are also suffering
never judge and condemn anyone from lapses or mistakes
forgive any transgressions
love… just love and keep on loving no matter what
They are right. I am a very special chic – scarred, pained and broken but is still fighting exquisitely going after her dreams. As what my best friend Mo would always tell me, “we have to be like a nail which has to be driven hard into a wall to support weight, and that resistance to which the nail experiences while being driven gives its strength to carry a big load”. Lupus hit me too hard. However, the act of hammering formed my character to become a better person, a better version of my very self.
Below are some insights that might help you
while coping up with any disease, malaise or uncertainty.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Accepting a disease is not a birthday present you’ll happily unboxed. Feel free to cry, shout, ask questions, disturb a friend or write a letter to God or the universe. Vent it all out. The journey will slowly help you cope up and discover your purpose.
Be patient. Suicide is never an option. This whole thing is a process and it takes time. Allow yourself to be hammered first. It’s normal to overdo some of our actions at some point but inflicting harm to oneself is never a solution. That’s called being selfish. Instead, deal with the situation head on.
Allow yourself to get help. Go for that routine visit with your physician. Take your medications religiously. Exercise regularly. Talk with your circles.
Don’t feel envious if someone is healthier or better than you. That person may not have challenges on his health but is struggling on other things – debts, broken family, fiasco marriage, sudden death of family members or etc.
Share your struggle and how you found your purpose because who knows you could save someone out there. Real stories are a source of inspiration.
We all have our struggles but I hope you won’t give up even if everything seems to fall apart. Life is boring without echoes of cries and aches. If you feel like giving up, just remember that 16-year old who was not even given a chance to live her adventure.
You are a very special fellow as well. Take your chances. Live your adventure. Live it well.