Colossal Dream

Life looks a little different for people with Lupus. Some are able to live a normal life while others have to deal with the outward effects of the disease, depending on the severity.

I was diagnosed with a disease admittedly I haven’t heard before. It started with a joint pain and a flu-like symptoms to which I thought was just the result of successive overtime at work. Not long after, I was feeling feverish, having rashes all over and getting more joint pain. It didn’t get any better week by week so I started seeking medical attention. 

Lab results confirmed it was Lupus and I began seeing an expert called Rheumatologist. It was frustrating at first since I had difficulty keeping up with my normal pace, and because Lupus is invisible, some people started to doubt the veracity of the illness, telling me it is just all in the head.

Thankfully today, I am in quiescent state, although I feel some discomfort at times. Lupus has greatly influenced my day to day life. I need to carefully listen to my rhythm. I also have to think well before I make any actions and consider how it would impact my body. Fatigue is a big factor so I am always heedful on where I spend my energy. I work 5 days a week so I ensure that I work with serene intensity. Weekends are normally spend as rest days or for excursions. And whenever there’s a chance, I always see new places because it inspires me to fight harder (I’m seeing Baguio and Bangkok next month).

I have learned to live with it daily and you’ll be surprised how I can manage to tick off some of my mind-blowing bucket list activities. Great thanks to my loved ones who immensely understand what I go through. They have been giving me unwavering support since day 1 and they always have my back whenever I fall over and over. I also have a strong connection with my Physician so it’s easy to open up all my chagrins and frustrations.

Having Lupus is not the end of a meaningful existence on earth. True, it makes life challenging but it also makes it extra beautiful with stories of pain and survival, of inspirations and aspirations and of self-respect and self-worth.

One of my greatest dreams is to get into the best MBA school in the world. So even at the four walls of this hospice, I manage to skim through my books, reviewing my GMAT. I am not letting go of this dream. The runway to MBA stage awaits for me.

Love each other or perish

I was unable to write since December 2018 due to reasons you will read later on. Soon, this blog will be teemed with articles about my journey and how I was able to survive the challenges that comes with it.  

A great poet once said, “Love each other or perish.” So true, without love we are butterflies with ruptured wings. Love is of cardinal importance and this has been clear to me since then.

Year on year, my physical affection becomes stronger than ever. I always long for love and care especially when pain attacks me. At times I become too clingy just because every love drop makes me feel better. I am just blessed that my family is able to give it all to me, always been there in both my stubbornness and sanity. Surely, friends messages or visits me (when in hospice) but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave or someone who has both eyes on you protecting you the entire time. Perhaps, this is not just love but something of a greater tag – a spiritual security – knowing that your family would always be there for you.

I am fighting well because of this great love. Thank you for sharing this journey with me and for showing me that life could be challenging  but it is always beautiful WITH YOU.