Category: Quintessence

Accepting a chronic illness and finding your purpose

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This recent headline news about a 16-year old girl from Cebu, Philippines who was raped, murdered, and skinned by 3 ruthless men brought me back to those moments when I had so many whys for God and the universe. It breaks my heart to hear such news and I cannot help but ask again, why can’t those rapists or murderers be the one to contract cancer, lupus or other terminal diseases instead? That beautiful innocent girl deserved to live and fulfill all her dreams.

Like most of the warriors out there, I’ve also been to a stage of consequential denial. Growing up, I was thought by my dad to always see things with silver lining, however accepting a chronic disease can feel like the opposite, especially at the inception. Why me, when all I wanted is to do good to the society? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Why can’t it be the ill-willed, the menace or the suicidal chaps? Why can’t it be the bad guys? Questions were endless appearing from every nooks and crannies. I asked these questions to family and friends and they would always tell me that I am special… but I just didn’t see it that way. To my mind I was cursed or punished for something I must have done in the past.

I thought it was unfair. Are we just randomly chosen? Is it by choice, status or circumstance? I desperately wanted answers but my questions lead me to nowhere. Disappointed, I became sullen and morose at some point. Incandescent, [once] I decided to just let my body withers without succoring to any medications. That lasted for months consorted with these resentful yeses. Yes, I used to loathe healthy people and felt envious on their successes. Yes, I used to wish criminals assume my disease. Yes, I used to bleat against the Father and the universe on why perpetual suffering is inflicted to selected few. I cannot help it then. Perhaps, it’s human nature to feel deep sympathy for oneself.

Until I got tired asking questions. I gave myself a breathing space from the hustle and bustle of self-pressure and anxiety. It’s like giving myself a consent to stop fighting against reality and just deal with it head on. It was never easy, but I knew it was necessary to move forward. Surprisingly as I went along, I have slowly learned to accept my fate with a light heart. At times, some rhetorical questions would bud out randomly but I no longer compel any answer… just because I already unboxed the gift that comes with my Lupus – a chronic disease with a purpose…

  1. to give hope and courage to those who are troubled
  2. to be more compassionate and sensitive to those who are also suffering
  3. to never judge and condemn anyone from lapses or mistakes
  4. to forgive any transgressions
  5. to love… just love and keep on loving no matter what

They are right. I am a very special chic – scarred, pained and broken but is still fighting exquisitely going after her dreams. As what my best friend Mo would always tell me, “we have to be like a nail which has to be driven hard into a wall to support weight, and that resistance to which the nail experiences while being driven gives its strength to carry a big load”. Lupus hit me too hard. However, the act of hammering formed my character to become a better person, a better version of my very self.

Below are some insights that might help you while coping up with any disease, malaise or uncertainty.

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Accepting a disease is not a birthday present you’ll happily unboxed. Feel free to cry, shout, ask questions, disturb a friend or write a letter to God or the universe. Vent it all out. The journey will slowly help you cope up and discover your purpose.
  2. Be patient. Suicide is never an option. This whole thing is a process and it takes time. Allow yourself to be hammered first. It’s normal to overdo some of our actions at some point but inflicting harm to oneself is never a solution. That’s called being selfish. Instead, deal with the situation head on.
  3. Allow yourself to get help. Go for that routine visit with your physician. Take your medications religiously. Exercise regularly. Talk with your circles.
  4. Don’t feel envious if someone is healthier or better than you. That person may not have challenges on his health but is struggling on other things – debts, broken family, fiasco marriage, sudden death of family members or etc.
  5. Share your struggle and how you found your purpose because who knows you could save someone out there. Real stories are a source of inspiration.

We all have our struggles but I hope you won’t give up even if everything seems to fall apart. Life is boring without echoes of cries and aches. If you feel like giving up, just remember that 16-year old who was not even given a chance to live her adventure.

You are a very special fellow as well. Take your chances. Live your adventure. Live it well.

A confession of an ex-con: “I met Jesus in Prison”

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As I’m writing this entry, a little fete in the house still continues in honour of our Patron Saint. Kin and fellows come by round the clock to share sumptuous meal with everyone. Hankering for fresh air, I decided to stay in the vestibule earlier – not knowing a metamorphic conversation would take place there. Julius Perez, a distant kindred and an ex-con, as how he introduced himself, took my faith to the next level.

03 December 2005, Julius, together with a minor, has killed an allegedly male AKRHO Gang member. According to him it was a crime of self-defense since he was pointed with a gun first. Financially crippled to obtain a private lawyer fighting for his case, he ended up spending 12 years in prison with a tag– MURDERER.

“It was difficult. At times I think of his family. At times I think of my future. I was struggling the first few months in jail but I have had high hopes one day I can be free”, he reverberated when asked about the challenges he went through.

Determined to get out from prison with head held high, he behaved accordingly abiding all cell rules. From an ordinary inmate, he was chosen to become a commander (jail lead) for he portrayed a commendable behaviour. He created fair rules and camaraderie among fellows. He also learned as much as he can, in fact, he was the very first detainee to graduate from ALS (Alternative Learning System).

Notwithstanding , the rumination that startled me most was when he shared HOW HE MET JESUS IN PRISON. Inside bars and in the midst of distress and anxieties, he found Jesus. He felt like a little voice was comforting him with powerful sweet words of fortification. By then, he never let go of the connection and worked so hard to grow his relationship with God. He started the art of silent prayers. He read all chapters in the Bible from Old to New Testament. He attended every Holy Masses celebrated inside the prison, and he led the recital of Holy Rosary – a life completely antithetical before his conviction- when all he knew was to have a good time (barkada, barrio disco and booze).

“God exists and so does blessings. I thought being in prison is the end of everything, yet, it became the beginning of all great things. God showed me his ways and I accepted it with open heart, and now I am trying to continue my very intimate relationship with HIM.”

Julius, is one of those stories that truly touched my inner being. His story is a testament that God reaches to us wherever we are under any circumstance. He never abandons His children specially the lowly ones.

Today, being a freeman, Julius relentlessly sustains his reverence to Jesus and even compound this to others. He is now teaching his girlfriend how to read the bible and to pray the Holy Rosary. He is also never embarrassed being called an ex-con for he’s aware that God has pardoned him.

Editor’s Note: Although, Julius is an ALS graduate (HS Level), he still finds hard to get a decent job due to his history of being an ex-con. However, from our conversation earlier, I can vouch that he is a man with pure heart. Definitely, full of gratitude. May all my blog readers be able to help him in his journey towards starting a new life outside the prison cell.

Julius, may you be blessed even more and may God’s name be glorified because of your humility!

Typical corporate ring scenarios

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Before we enter into the ring, let’s lay down all the definitions first. Sipsip – is a Tagalog term for brown nosing, boot licking, ingratiating – to catalyse one’s advancement. Literally, it means to “suck up to” using an unrestrained and artificial flattering. Sipsips are ubiquitous in the workplace setting – and that doesn’t’ exempt Philippines. In fact, we, Pinoys came up with a meritorious full-form of it as Severely Insecure People Seeking for Instant Promotion (SIPSIP). Tanga, on the other hand, is a person who makes imprudent and unwise decisions. Literally, it means a “fool”. Tangas are quiet pervasive in the workplace setting too.

Now, we are entering the ring. You are the main character of course, and I would like you to ideate an amateur boxing bout (actual match) to which you’ve already gained judges favour. Why? Because you have had your game-plan and did your pre-fight preparation well. No – months before the event, you didn’t really hit the road, lift heavy bags and mitts or have had rounds of sparring. You’re not even ready to get hit.  Yes –months before the event, you did consistent flatteries with the judges. You simply drowned them with bags of wishes and large sum of hypocritical compliments. How fool the judges are to not read that.

During the bout, you missed a number of notable overhand and corkscrew punches in some rounds, yet you kept on releasing rabbit punches even when you know it’s illegal. You were also unable to dodge a quick southpaw blow. You kept on clinching and sometimes you rope-a-dope or fall hardly into the canvass. By the end of the match, your face is wreaked havoc with remarkable bruises and cuts and a cauliflower ear, yet you were still duked as winner. Your opponent on this tall tale, though how much deserving for the title failed to bag it. His painstaking preparation and exhibition of rapid bolo,and bob-and-weave just didn’t seem to buy out. He never even had an eight-count. Deym! Was there something?

Flattery is all powerful and this mojo never goes out of style. Though up in the boxing ring you looked incompetent- lacking the skill set, the judges still favour you because of your prowess to fawn over them. Your hard work has paid off in bagging the belt-of-fame but spectators see you as ne’er-do-well. Way to go sucker!

As an employee in a corporate ring, we all have vested interest in winning a promotion for a fat pay check or fame. Nothing wrong with that. However, the problem arises when you do it out of selfish desires. Instead of working on competencies and performing efficiently at work, you end up brown nosing. Sipsip jud! Another problem is, when an employer  fails to recognize a brown noser. Tanga-tanga sad.

I know. I definitely know. We all like compliments. In fact, there is this article posted in Harvard Business Review site that can support my statement, and I quote, “You don’t believe me. You couldn’t possibly — after all, I’ve never seen you. But, chances are, on an unconscious level you really do believe me, and my compliment makes you feel warm and gooey inside. And your positive feelings predispose you to do something nice for me, so if I were a salesman or your subordinate or your colleague, that nice something, whatever it is, could definitely make my day.”

Uh-Uh! True but NOT WHEN THEY’RE FAKE.  Huge caveat: As an employer, be prudent in detecting brown nosers. Should you feel compliments are getting insincere and faux, that’s already code red. Talk to the referee and ask for a time-out immediately.

There are no shortcuts to winning a boxing match or coveting that long dream promotion. Preparation matters. Brown nosing may take you up but won’t keep you up. Competency speaks for itself. Efficiency reflects results. When judges or your bosses are already awaken from apathy and finally detect you’re sucking up for personal advancement, you’re then susceptible to TKO- technical knockout punch and you may be declared as loser.

Do you want to get a boo or a hoh hoh? You decide!

How to tame your Boss’ strong, dominant personality

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Six months ago, I started a new job in a Real Estate Industry under the management of a Senior Executive with strong, dominant personality. Although this attribute is expected from a top-ranked leader, I was feeling like in a constant battle dealing with him. His four-walled office has been our battleground where our ideas and thoughts clashed vehemently. Most often, I always insist mine.

Such strong personality agitates me for I possess them too. Only difference, the big difference rather is I AM STILL SOUR and UNREADY. Does a very feisty mid-management millennial with less experience but think she’s a know-it-all GI needless of any direction from an experienced commander sound familiar to you?

He is armored with vigorous experience and shield with cogent knowledge I don’t want to concede. Until such time, I was maimed by him almost had no chance of surviving the mental combat. It took me a while to realise my stratagem was defective. With humility, I surrendered.

Today, we are now on truce and each day I work industriously on becoming his greatest ally. Here’s how I did it:

1. Listen first. As millennial/s, we normally have tendencies cutting off a conversation because we want to say something precipitously. Listen intently for listening is the key to all effective communication. Let the Exec finish his discourse and wait until he opens the floor for your stance or opinion. Once you developed your listening skills, you can easily underpin any positive human relationship – one of your building blocks to success.

2. Obey. Even if you find the direction antithetical or contradictory to your judgment, take heed and follow without disputing. Predominantly, when Execs make decisions or try to solve crises, they don’t refer to books studied page-by-page back in college. They normally take it from their years of experience. You’ll be surprised how their seemingly awkward accord can save an entire organization/negotiation. What’s the shot? Simply say, “Yes Sir”.

3. Have confidence towards. Believe that Executives are brought in such position because they are veritably good at their craft. It is not easy reaching the loftiest position in an organization if one does not elicit the needed skill set – both soft and hard.

4. Know your boss credential and/or back story. Should you not be that convinced with point 3, then do your research. It will help you understand where they are coming from or where to place yourself.

5. Don’t take it personally. Do not retaliate or feel acrimonious when your ideas are rejected or not heard. Often, Senior Execs are looking into a much wider horizon to ensure all aspects are given due consideration. Your ideas may just be fragmentary. However, should you feel like it’s the best solution to the conundrum, come back later bringing out-and-out supporting documents.

6. Respect. For one, he deserves this as your senior. You can respectfully follow orders even if you don’t always agree with them.   Second, as they say “respect begets respect” – so let your respect illumines and hope he reciprocates it too.

7. Come back with humor. Humor, not sarcasm, always ease tensions. It makes discussions lighter.

If it still feels like you’re in an office skirmish, just at least ward yourself off with Point 1. Simply because it’s the basic yet a cardinal rule in creating a harmonious relationship whether in your workplace, home or everywhere.

Good luck and hoping you could tame your boss’s dominant personality too!

How to get rid of Monday Blues

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Mondays in the office may be a crossroad for some if not all. Oftentimes this is called Monday Blues. You feel tired, lethargic and very much passive after a weekend of downtime. Believe it or not, this has something to do with your body clock.

Since there is no work schedule on a weekend, you spend overtime under your duvet or cuddling your bolster. You may have pushed back your bedtime on a Friday night for a booze with friends or purposely just didn’t set the alarm to wake up like how you get up on a normal work week. Contrastive sleeping pattern on the weekends over weekdays can wreak havoc your internal body clock and throws you off balance.

As a result, you may experience a “social jet lag” (a more sophisticated phrase for Monday Blues), a term coined by Dr. Till Roenneberg from Institute of Medical Psychology, University of Munich.

Social jet lag is due to the shift in sleep pattern that people experience during days off. Here’s the catch, his study shows that a change on sleep schedule is linked to obesity, and the risk of being obese rises about 33% for every hour of social jet lag.

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