SLE Warrior: It ends here, NOW ON COMPLETE REMISSION!

As promised, here’s everything that had happened recapitulated in an hour of writing.

The Great Depression (April and May 2019). I thought that the ICU journey was the last bridge I needed to cross but Alopecia cuffed me off in a snap. One day, I woke up and my hair just started falling. It was extremely fervid that I’d leave a stupendous amount of hair traces wherever I sprawled to. It was too hard to descry and slowly my depression started to eat me up hovering my psyche.

Hence, I decided to have my head shaved to avoid seeing those horrifying trails. Thankfully, my hair manages itself to grow thick and fast. Shawl and eyebrow gel do added colours to my everyday. Yes, that time I could still afford to drive myself to hospice for treatment, but has to remain working from home for a complete recovery.

Inchmeal, I was recovering with the help of antidepressant pills prescribed by my doctor. I was then able to bounce back with optimistic disposition.

I was ready to be physically back to work until…

The Break-In and the Break up (May 2019). Those guys probably thought I was a bloke with my shaved head and so they started sketching my back-and-gut with a carver knife and when I stumbled, I fell on the shattered window pane glass which caused my left ear to bleed. THIEVES! It was hunting and the memories of the incident made me completely lose control of my sanity for some time. I flustered when I hear loud voices. I’d feel being terrorised when someone tries to approach or starts a conversation with me. I’d start running when I see men with big built.

I had to take a break from work, both virtual and physical, since the hardcore negotiator, resilient and feisty “Ian” was already in absentia. I am acclimated to pain so the lacerations were close to nothing. The pain only felt like needle pinprick and I had a successful surgery stitches…

But what bruised, impaired and tortured me most was when Mo left the moment I desperately needed someone to cling on. Yes, Mo my best friend, my confidante, my trusted ally, my family, my rescuer, my shock absorber, my energy, my travel buddy….. He had to take a different route and it took me awhile to understand God’s plan for all these quandaries happened just in 1 quarter.

Life in Prayer and Meditation (June 2019). With the help of daily communion and weekly spiritual direction, I was able to steadily get back on track. I also chose to stop taking all my maintenance pills [to include getting my steroid injections weekly] for I felt like those placebos mangled my brain processes. I instead focused on prayer, adoration, meditation, eating a balanced diet and exercise…. and I never felt so alive until the moment I espoused to live a life – not dependent on anyone (people) or anything (medicines) but just Him.

Back to work (Q3 -Q4 2019). Yaas, I surmounted all those woes and setbacks and it’s a new, resurrected Ian who is now back to work. I was both elated and enlivened to close great deals and to run my department with a 20-20 vision and clearer goals. I was also looking forward to a new team member added to the family since my team, apart from Retail Operations, now handles Retail Marketing .

I was and am unstoppable – inking deals left and right; successful retail marketing activities week by week; promising sideline jobs every now and then – as modeling, hosting, incognito content writing and even creating a business plan for start-up companies.

Travel and adventure (Q4 to the nth). I’ve never really gotten a chance to travel much because Lupus always limits to tick off my bucket list. With God’s grace, I am now on complete remission. This means that my Lupus is inactive and I am on my greatest shape. I candidly love sunshine, beaches, and nature and thankfully I can fancy these now.

Here’s a little glimpse of my travel to Siargao last October 2019 – a precelebration birthday trip.

My journey this year cannot be narrated in an hour of writing but I just have this overflowing sentiments to share these snippets with you. Below are my humble percipience that you may find helpful somehow.

  1. DON’T GIVE UP. For a 28-year-old lass, I know that I have endured so much but I am never giving up. The fight continues for God has a purpose on our every pain, struggle and misfortune. Remember He also has a gift for our tenacity, assiduity and faithfulness.
  2. WE ALL GO THROUGH DEPRESSION AND IT’S OK. We are all allowed to feel messed up inside and out. It doesn’t mean we are crazy or defective. It just means we are human. Salient is we try to control ourselves, our emotions and our judgement. If things get out of hand, seek medical attention. It is ok to get help just what I did.
  3. WE ARE ALL A WARRIOR. My battle has always been surmounting against this very rare connective tissue disease. When I renounced taking medications, it was both a risk and a choice and you don’t have to mimic that action. I had a staunch belief that after all these years pills were not helping me out anymore, hence, I have to change my master plan. Being a warrior means you take responsibility of your actions and you are ready for any untoward possibilities. What really helped me a lot is purely a healthy lifestyle. I eat great food. I exercise regularly. I pray and meditate. I work with prudence. Then repeat.
  4. YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO DEPEND ON. Be thankful when best people leave your door because it will stimulate you to be a better person as well. When Mo left me, I thought that I would never see sunshine again but here am I enjoying sunshine and rainbow every day. There’s so much to be grateful after all. Mo, thank you!
  5. WE ONLY LIVE ONCE. LET’S DO IT RIGHT. Our time here on earth is very limited. Embrace every moment. Love every fragment. Travel and live your adventure. Do the things you’ve been wanting to do. Never let other people’s opinion cloud out your inner voice. Stay healthy and love yourself please.
  6. Lastly, this is for you. I wrote this on my 28th.

Normal day defines

A normal day is like listening to the music my body plays. *Let me call her she because she’s quiet tender and delicate. Sometimes I hear slower rhythm. Sometimes I hear upbeats. Sometimes just the right mix. From there, I just dance myself suitably so I can hopefully relish a beautiful day every day.

I wake up at 6:30am to prepare for office. At least I’d need 1 ½ hours to get ready. Big chunk of the time actually goes to skin care routine. Living with Lupus means I have to apply layers of sunblock at least 90 SPF in face and body. This is to avoid butterfly rashes and other allergies when serendipitously exposed to sunlight.  When at work, I grind with serene intensity. I find it very therapeutic so I happily work at my best.  I’m usually just donned in pants, jacket and sneakers as I go around much hopping from one site to another and I only wear corporate apparel when the time suggests.

I prefer to meet clients in the morning when my reasoning is at its peak and send emails by noon when I’m less disturbed because everyone is out enjoying their lunch. Whenever there are no work sessions or meetings in the afternoon (seldomly happens), I typically proceed with all the paper works. By 6pm, I have to be on the way home.

The body plays strong and lively music during the day and I tend to sway my hips on every beat. At times, I wouldn’t notice any motion of pangs for I always get carried away. Hence, I just go on. However,when night befalls, accumulated fatigue would emanate the entire system (around 7PM) weaved with joint pain, headache, fever, itchiness or a combination of all. This normally happens when I insensibly overexert energy and waves during daytime. The body would start transitioning to a melancholic music – slow,slower to a mum and I just have to rock along with it through getting enough rest.

Sometimes I would’ve trouble sleeping when in flare or when pain reaches its zenith. Sometimes, I would have episodes of forgetting things or occurrences. Sometimes I just really want to lie down in bed as what the body dictates. It really depends on the severity of the malaise and exposure to smoke and sun light is a contributor second to contracting infection from anyone or anywhere. So, when rest is not enough, I rest some more to recover.

This daily routine is simply knowing the right mix to keep on moving forward. It’s balancing the common sense and physical amplitude – when is too much not much and when is less enough. When the mind desires for something, I always try to ask the body if she can sustain it. If the mind is incognisant, then I do a rain check. If it still insists, then I consult a friend to keep me prudent. It’s easy being said than done but getting back a good health is not an overnight work. I work hard for it every day.