Author: ianthepedestrian

Can you guess where I find myself at this moment? I’m standing amidst a panorama of life unfolding, watching my Pappii immersed in his element. His hands, stained with the grit of hard work, are shaping our dreams into reality at the construction site of our upcoming Filipino restaurant.

Today, I’ve been granted a glimpse into his world, a world that thrives on the rhythm of construction. There’s something profoundly humbling about watching him in action – engaging with the workers, lending a hand, guiding them. It’s a sight that exudes humanity and strength. And to think, this is my first time witnessing him at work!

In the past, I’ve found myself at odds with him, feeling as though I was the only one juggling the demands of a full-time corporate job and managing our start-up business. I felt he was indifferent, not caring as much as I did. But now, standing here in his world, I realise how wrong I was. My words from those days fill me with regret. How could I have been so harsh? How could I have compared his work to mine? The truth is, my work pales in comparison to his.

I recall a conversation we had during one of my more emotional moments. I told him, ‘It’s hard to keep up with you.’ His response was simple yet profound: ‘You don’t have to keep up with me or be above me. We just need to respect each other’s work ethics.’ At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. I thought I was the hardest working and most organised. But now, it all makes sense.

His approach to work is unique. He may seem nonchalant or unknowing, but beneath that exterior lies wisdom and kindness towards his workers.

With this newfound understanding, I hope we can continue to nurture our relationship. However, there’s a concern that lingers – my emotional outbursts during certain times of the month often lead to heated conversations. May I find the strength to control these emotions because honestly, conflict is not what I seek. As I’ve mentioned before, I want to be his sanctuary, his peace – a refuge where he can find solace.

Pappii, thank you for your tireless efforts. My respect for you has only deepened.

In my journey of self-improvement, I’ve been consciously striving to avoid conflicts and disagreements with my loved ones. I’ve come to realise that these altercations often lead me to underperform in various aspects of my life – be it work, friendships, business, or other pursuits. However, despite my best efforts, there always seems to be that one instance each month when tensions escalate into a full-blown argument.

These moments often coincide with periods of high stress, looming deadlines, and a multitude of responsibilities. Coupled with the emotional turbulence of PMS, I sometimes find myself unable to hold back and end up becoming overly verbose.

During these heated moments, I don’t resort to physical aggression or shouting. Instead, I prefer solitude to make sense of the situation. When I ask for a pause or suggest continuing the conversation later, it’s a sign that I’m nearing my emotional threshold and trying to prevent an outburst. Once I reach that point, the outcome is rarely pleasant as I tend to utter harsh words or bring up past grievances.

Since dating my Pappii, I’ve embarked on a journey of emotional growth. Whenever I feel a wave of overwhelming emotions or perceive a hint of distance from him, I find solace and guidance in relationship-focused YouTube videos and podcasts. This is a first for me, as in my past relationships, I never really put in the effort. I was somewhat self-centred, believing that if they left, it was their loss. But with Pappii, I’m genuinely striving to make things work.

I treasure the bond we’ve built over time; I love his family and I adore his friends – both the girls and the guys. It brings me joy to see him thriving in life. Yet, at the heart of it all, my needs are straightforward – presence and transparency. If you’re busy, just let me know. If you sense that I’m on the brink of an emotional breakdown, just be there for me.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that we won’t be the couple who uses endearments like ‘love’ or ‘babe’, or walks hand-in-hand in public, or surprises each other. Sometimes, I do wish for these things, but it’s okay. I cherish our private moments together – just us two, whether I’m working on my laptop while you’re enjoying your favourite drink or we’re partying together, vibing to the music.

I hope that as we continue on this journey, we can avoid major arguments as they can be exhausting. It’s my sincere wish that we learn to read each other’s cues better, enabling us to live in harmony and become excellent partners for each other.

With all these adjustments, I hope that things will work out. If they don’t then perhaps there’s a deeper issue at hand and maybe we’re not meant for each other. After all, partners should find solace and peace in each other not cause each other distress.

In the end it’s about finding balance and understanding – a sanctuary within each other where love and respect are the foundation of our relationship. Here’s to hoping for a future filled with understanding harmony and love. It’s not going to be easy especially for me but you’re worth every effort.