THE JAZZ ROOM

This page is very novel and you can find relatable discussions here about anything and everything that keep us fairly human. 

Yes, our lives and the fact that we are still alive, barely alive or trying to live a life.

What makes this special and enkindling is the interaction and exchange of thoughts of Ian The Pedestrian with some of the world’s finest hotshots (young, old & whatsoever in between) she met on her strolls.

These are the been-there-done-that kind of people who can be brutal about their words but definitely speaking from an experienced frame of mind.

Hence, you can expect that the views & emotions are pretty much heterogenous, unvarnished & vérité. Some can make you reflect hard while others can pain your gut. I suggest you choose the lessons.

WELCOME TO THIS FIRST EVER JAZZ ROOM Q EVERYONE!

These are all LADIES’ POVs only! Men will have their own sweet chance on the next entry. I know this topic is a bit sensitive & would entail some context to elaborate, but hey, let’s just pour it out, & make the discussion open & fun.

In your lifetime, did someone tell you that you can’t always get what you want, whilst at the same time other folks would tell you to do everything and anything to get what you want. Say whaat! We get it. There are always polarities in people’s opinion, and it’s such a cuckoo sometimes to choose which ones to follow or shun. You can actually do whatever your heart desires or whatever your conscience echoes; but when it comes to a man, does this apply? I don’t know. Let’s find out together.

Before we go to their bubble thoughts, can I start first? 

Untold to few, I also belong to that been-there-than-that circle when it comes to this muddle. I’m not sure if we have all been through it but at some point, it happened to me and hit me hard. It brought me to that dark abyss which almost handicapped me, and I don’t want you to experience that. Hence, this is my take: Men don’t like being chased; they like to chase. So, know how much is your worth. That moment you start going out your way to beg his attention, you devalue yourself. Focus on self-love and on self-improvement because soon as the Universe feels your esteem, magic happens – you start seeing you and all the great things you deserve. Unless you’re a cat chasing for food, then by all means chase well.

Now, let’s hear it from the rest. Again, remember that these are unfiltered responses. Keeping it raw just to add more of that jazzies.

Well, chasing someone is more like making plans without God in the center of it! They never work. I once was caught in this trap and lost myself in the process because all I thought was that he could be the one for me. I questioned my worth many times, to the point that all of my confidence and self-worth sapped. I was damaged, but with time and effort, things got better. 

No matter how bad it may seem, there’s always a way out if you cry your heart to God! I have learned some invaluable lessons in that experience, from who was NOT the right guy to what the right MAN IS. Thus the quote: We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason. But one thing is sure mistakes help us find the right person. 

So yeah, Darling, always go for someone who isn’t only proud to have you but will also take every risk to be with you! Never, ever settle. Just be patient and don’t rush things. Surrender it to God and ask for his guidance. We have to trust the one who knows us already before we are born. So, let him do the steering because anything worth having is worth waiting.

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Should you or should you not chase a Guy? Omgggg! How can an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) answer such a ponderous question? But as I pondered on it I realized that- all our lives we’ve been chasing something. Something, that’s simple and as cliché as happiness (wherein reality it’s totally not that simple at all) the absolute reason why most of us had fallen short from our purpose and ultimate design. In the pursuit of finding that happiness that is merely defined by what we see and hear from all the people, that of course, somehow inspired us. We got lost and pshhhhh (If you know, you know! Lol). But seriously if you know your worth and you know where you’re rooted from you’ll be able to assess yourself and properly discern if things/someone is worth the chase. And I totally stand in this belief from the word of God- that If you seek the Kingdom of the most High first, everything else shall be added unto you. Regardless if that’s a Guy, a career or whatever Goal you set. If God says it’s time, wither it’s time to chase or to Let Go. You’ll feel that peace and just pure bliss. So, ito na nga!!! Should I or should I not? Lol right now? If I’m seeing Red flags and it’s getting toxic ofc I should let go (So, help me God) It would break my loved ones heart seeing their precious baby girl miserable and I felt that would break my heart a million times more.

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KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH! I don’t have anything else to say as it’s very self-explanatory.

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“We do everything for love.” Yes. We really do EVERYTHING for LOVE! But as to what extent? As they say, the guy should be the one chasing the girl because he is the ‘MAN’, and not the other way around. Nope, I beg to disagree. In a relationship, both man and woman should do their share in making their relationships last. Why we should never chase a guy? Well I say, why not? When I say I do everything for love, I mean, EVERYTHING! 

Chasing a guy doesn’t mean you’re martyr or desperate. It just means, you DO your SHARE in sustaining the relationship. But until when will you chase your man? Until you can say that you’ve done your BEST and you’ve done your part. At least you TRY. Above all, don’t forget to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST because how can you give something that you do not have? Love your self first so that you can give love in return. 

Same goes with, chase that love of your life first so he can chase you back – this is speaking in the context of 5 years of unending chase as BF and GF and now 9 years married yet still still chasing with each other. 

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No. Definitely a fat NO, for the only person you should chase is yourself. Chase after that self-improvement and all other things to clean any clutter or mess.

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This is a very delicate topic, and we can end up hurting a poor heart, but my answer is a No. Guys are meant to chase girls. It’s their natural instinct to be the chasers. The more they chase girls, the more they are eager to be with that girl. The more they are challenged by the girls, the more they want them. It’s because they really go after who they want. 

If girls chase guys, these guys would feel uncomfortable with that action and their respect for that girl would depreciate because of its transparency and availability. Boys want challenge as it shows their masculinity and their bravado to persuade. They want something hard to get. If they do chase you, then you should know that you are precious for they give part of their life and their time just to have you.

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Chasing after a guy who’s not interested in you will rip the hell out of you. Please have that little self-respect. Don’t waste too much time chasing the wrong guy or you might miss the right one.

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What do you think that we shouldn’t chase a man?
I came to a point in my life where all men that I fell in love with, vanished in thin air. I mean, they do promised you everything but ended up leaving you in the future. I always thought that there was really something wrong with me, that I was to blame in every failed love story. Once in my life, I came to a point where I chased a man but to no avail. Then one day, realizations hit me hard in the head. Why should I chase a man after all?

I think, the one reason we chase a man is because that person has reached our standards. Tall, dark, handsome,nice voice, tantalizing eyes, Jungkook look-a-like. All the physical attributes we wish our man would have made us fell head-over-heels. It’s like you have hit the jackpot! Another reason is that, we may find the comfort, the care, the understanding, and mostly the kind of love that we wished we had from anyone else. We came to a point where we thought that this kind of love would be different. That he might be the “forever” that we’re looking for.

Woman, I tell you, quit the chase! Don’t chase a man who doesn’t even see your worth! I mean, it will affect you so bad if you go chase a man who doesn’t want you. You will never chase a man if he really likes you. If he loves you, he will not let you chase him. Don’t you realize it? 

Chasing a man will make him so overly proud, recognizing his worth, putting him first on the line yet there you are at the back of the line, making your worth a little less. When you’re chasing him, you’ll let yourself out of focus. I mean, you’re not giving enought time for yourself. That man you’re chasing is taking the balance and the life out of you. You’ll make him become full of himself while you’ll be left with nothing.

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I won’t chase a guy. He is the one who will chase after me. I’m a Filipina and its by nature that Filipina is modest. It’s also my measure if he truly loves me. If he will chase me meaning he loves me, if not then he is not. If you you love a person then set him free, but if he comes to you and chase after you, then he is yours definitely.

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If I feel that there is this chance to save a relationship, then I will chase that guy and put all my effort into it especially if I love him much. It is better to try than to just give up just like that, but, if you think based on your observation that there isn’t any chance at all, then you’ve got know when to hold back. Let’s say, you are in relationship, and you know that it can still be salvage from that hurtful parting, then it is best to give both parties a chance so there wouldn’t be any what-ifs and regrets in the end. What if I gave it a try? What if I gave it a chance? What could there be lacking? Why did we break up? We were on cloud 9 before and we were both doing well, but what had happened? … Lots and lots of unending questions. 

So, make sure, when you decide not to chase a guy, you wouldn’t have all these questions in mind. Make sure, when you decide, it’s not half-hearted. Because what will happen is, if you still love the guy and you still see the future with him, and you didn’t act on it or do something because you are scared of getting hurt, then the more you will literally get hurt for not even trying. Remember, not all relationships have happy endings. Make sure there are closures even if it entails you to chase that person just so you can end it well. 

With my ex – boyfriend, I do keep a contact with them because I have accepted the reality that we can’t be together. Also, whenever we get the chance of bumping each other, we always smile at each other as if nothing had happened. Chase worked magic on that. 

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It is so hard to close a case when you have not heard the answers to both WHY’S of the situation… I mean, my answer depends on the circumstance; if I have to chase him or not. But let`s put this in a worst scenario. I will never chase a guy. It will just worsen the situation. It will put my value , my being me, my whole, to a low and pixelated quality. The more I chase him, the more I lose everything. When it comes to love, everything must be balanced including the heart and mind. If you love less, then you are selfish. If you think more then your love is measurable. Spouse’ love should be platonic and romantic.

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It’s beautiful to wait. 

Let me tell you about my two “idols” . I fell in love with D on a whim. He was the first guy I was insanely obsessed about.I met him after university. I remember those years in my life and I thought it was the most toxic state I was ever in. I thought about him every second of my life. He became an idol. I am a devout Christian and when I pray, I demanded to the Lord for a romantic relationship with D. I even dabbled in some crazy New Age shit just to have the chance to be with him or at least it was my minds way of dealing with the pain of an unrequited affection. I stayed in that crazy mindset for three years. My second obsession was with M. This time I was so convinced he was the one because of some crazy signs my new age belief is feeding me. I was infatuated. I ended up following him around and stalking him in social media. Yeah! Some crazy girl shit. Idolatry at its craziest. My obsession lasted for two years. I sum it up and I thought, I wasted five good years of my life nursing obsessions that shouldn’t have existed, should I have called on my Lord’s grace onset. My attitude on prayer was, I want him Lord, please give him to me, I know he’s the one. When it should have been, Lord you are my maker, you know every crevices of my heart, even the parts I don’t know about. Please give me wisdom and discernment that I may always act according to your most holy will. 

I heard this from Steve Jobs’ Stanford commencement speech, “You can only connect the dots looking backwards.” I look at my life now and I praise the Lord every moment I get for protecting me all those years. I feel like a princess and I thought, how many angels the Lord has sent to protect me and guide me all those years of obsession. You see the Lord has preserved me. I thought if any of those obsessions with D or M was served, it would have ruined me and them too. I was delusional at the verge of schizoprenia. I was creating romantic settings in my head. It was all so unreal. I still would not be able to make a good relationship partner. I was immature and superficial. Looking back I thought, I would have just become a very lovesick puppy, submissive and depressed because I didn’t know how to take care of myself and I know I wouldn’t be able to take care of my partner too. And the most embarassing realization looking backwards was that I knew the Lord wasn’t the center of that affection. I wasn’t in touch with my maker, the source of all grace, my Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord needed me to be fully grown in faith, hope and love of him, before I meet “the one”. 

I am now in my 30’s and have never had an amorous relationship ever. I usually hear unsolicited comments of people almost parti pris telling me that something is wrong with me or that I’m too “choosy” as they ignorantly coin it. And when chatters like that happen, I just converse with the Lord in my mind and heart that he may give me peace. 

I know the Lord is my hope and waiting on him is beautiful and I also know that the Lord calls me to do my part. I will refine myself for this beauteous man. I’ll focus on strengthening my faith and self-improvement until that “beautiful meeting” happens. I know that the Lord still calls us to do something while waiting. I pray for his wisdom everyday that I may do what he calls me to do. And when that meeting happens even when I’m still a work in progress, -May our lives be always be the Lord’s work in progress.- may our good lord bless us both to recognize each other and may we boldly and faithfully walk the path we are called to take together.

LET US HUDDLE. JOIN THE DISCUSSION!

Be our guest if you are able to relate. Drop us a comment on your favourites.

15 thoughts on “THE JAZZ ROOM”

  1. The first and the last responses are very Godly. I think that’s the beauty of it. You make mistakes, you try to correct the mistakes and in the journey of trying, you discover God’s. May you both receive the love that you deserve.

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  2. Thank you for coming up with this idea Ian. We all have different point of views as it depends on the situation but reading different people’s opinion or experience is just really awakening. Relate with Kat post.

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    1. Kat is my classmate from grade school and i saw how much she has grown. Happy that you’re able to relate. I wish you continued growth and blessings.

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  5. The responses are on different levels. The context should be clarified. This is unfair for us. I am ready for the refute. I find girls to be selfish at times.. We guys, we do have feelings too and we get hurt. Why, why is it always our fault?! Break up, our fault? Not working our fault? Not enough, our fault? And then when we choose to end the shit, you’ll chase us? No way.

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    1. Hi Don! I really love this comment and I’m expecting more of this. I am sorry if in any way we have made you feel like that. It is not our intention. But this is just the POV/ point of view coming the ladies heart. Can I ask you to write when we do the next Jazz Room Q? I am sure people will love your part. Happy to be connected with you. Stay safe!

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  6. The answers are so focused on 1 aspect it ain’t make any sense. So do you mean to say girls can’t chase guys but men can? Are you in Stone Age? We are in the new era. Let’s say the guy is stupid and doesn’t know how to chase but he actually likes you and you too like him? What will you do? Will you wait til you’ll have cobwebs before you do something about it? How could someone be asinine to just wait for the right timing if you don’t do anything? How long will you wait? Til it’s late? Love doest just appear like magic. You also have to go out there. Look for it and then see if it works or not. If you have to chase after that love, go for it. Just don’t be obsessed and know your limits. I am in an ok-ok relationship now and my partner was actually the one who chased after me. There is no formula or guidelines to this. You fall, you fall. That’s it!

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    1. Heya there! I hope you’re having a great day. I was really happy reading your thoughts about this first Q and thank you for showing us the other corner of the world. I agree that you are right coming from you’re own perspective, but I also have to give credits to the ladies responses as they are all making sense based on their views. Know that I am also thrilled to know that your relationship worked out because of the “chase” and I will you guys will be blessed even more. Can I invite you to join us for the Jazz Room Q2? It would really be nice to have you around. I am thinking of doing it by next week or two.

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      1. Ian the Pedestrian, it is just frustrating to know that most of the replies are focused on self worth shits. Are you all just measuring your self-worth when you chase a guy? There are helluva things to consider. Talking back to your parents loses your self worth, being rude to people shows low self worth, showing up late to rendezvous doest show you’re worthy. Most of the girls and even your response merely personifies a girl who wants an escape, who wants an excuse why shitty things happen. You all need to think hard and ask – Am I just making the self worth shit as an excuse in possibly starting a great relationship or saving a fiasco one. How would you even know if it will work on not if you won’t even try? I have a feeling that when your circle asks you why are you single, you would probably answer, because I know my self worth. I mean common! That’s the shitty answer I wouldn’t even dare to hear even from the grapevine. I’d like to keep my identity anonymous but I have been following your WordPress and you’re following mine as well. Let’s keep it like that.

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        1. Should i need to explain to you what does POV mean? Did you find your self worth after cussing to all these awesome women POV, women who chose to share how they overcome such crisis in their lives? I mean no offense you got a point but it doesn’t mean they don’t have a point either. Let’s respect each others opinion. If you wanna share your take-you’re welcome to join the room.

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          1. Well offence taken! Need I also to remind you that I am entitled to my own POV and you my dear just showed me how small minded you are. All I’m saying is stay on the context. I am not disrespecting anyone. I am critiquing the context!

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